I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
