I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
