Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
