Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
