Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
