he wants to bone in the snuggie
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Randomize
