You're my little dorito
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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