NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
