Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
