Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
