Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Randomize
