I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
