Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
