Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
