Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
