I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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