I'm going to jail i love you
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Randomize
