Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
