i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
