youre lurking in front of me
Pappa wants mamma naked
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
