Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
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