between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
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