I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
