The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
