I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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