More tranny stories later!
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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