Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
