when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
