Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
