My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
