my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
