I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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