Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
