She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
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