how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
