He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
