and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
