fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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