: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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