Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
