You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
