i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
