First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
