all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Are we still banned from the library?
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
