take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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