I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
