she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize
