Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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