And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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