bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
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