i jhust puked up my retainher.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
